Talk:Crescent Forest/@comment-26007602-20150711184041
Alright, so I'm going to first say that I don't think I quite understand everything about this story, so if my criticism is incorrect because of a misunderstanding, please let me know. Personally, I dislike description in place of plot details. The beginning scene in the forest, while well written and atmospheric, didn't really draw me into the story as you spend multiple paragraphs establishing the setting. I like the abandoned shop in the middle of the forest, I only wish that the characters actually had a chance to explore the interior. I actually felt that the description of the creatures was lacking. I got a good description of their physiques, but nothing about their sizes, whether they had fur, the color of their skin, sounds they emitted, their claws (only that they're "more unique", which doesn't really describe too much), or the speed of the creatures. I'm not saying I need to know these things, I just think that they'd help flesh out the creatures a bit more. Naming them would also be beneficial, as it gets repetitive seeing "The creatures do this, the creatures do that, now the creatures are here..." After looking it over a few times, I still don't understand the motivations of the travelers. I don't know who they are, where they're going, how long they've been traveling, or why they're traveling. Maybe I don't need to know exactly where they're going, but I think having them interact with one another (with dialogue) in place of some of the monotonous description would help the reader emphasize with them a bit more. Some allusion to where they're from and where they're going would help me better understand their plight and hopefully conjure better feelings for their safety. The arrival of the creatures is a tad abrupt. The deer is a good piece of build up to the event, but there's not really anything before that that clues the reader into what's going to happen. I know something is wrong when we meet the man with the pickup truck, but I don't know enough to let my mind wander. Since my mind's not thinking about possible horror situations, the arrival of the creatures isn't as impactful as it should be. I think this story needed more emphasis on the shadowy nature of the man, more build up around the creatures, and more interactions from the travelers. Using them as a singular entity could work if we knew anything about them, but we don't, so we can't gauge anything about them. I realize that Dupin and Banning have already made these points, and I'm doing little more than reiterating them, but these things bothered me throughout the story. I really like the idea of this singular group moving throughout this abandoned world, but wish there was more done with it. It sort of reminds me of The Road, but with a group of travelers instead of a man and his son (and some demon creatures instead of cannibals). I think this story could be greatly improved if we related to the travelers in any way. As a final score, I'd say this story was worth the read, but I don't think I'd quite recommend it, as it doesn't quite stand out in its current form.